So I have to make this quick because I don’t have much time to write, but I wanted to say a word or two about the ads you are likely seeing on the blog. I have decided that, while it makes me feel a bit like a sell-out, the next step in the evolution of this blog is to monetize it a bit. I’ve done what I could to make the ads as innocuous as possible so you won’t be barraged with flashing pop up crap about payday loans or anything like that (at least I hope that never happens) but just by you viewing my blog posts I make a small amount of money (we are talking a few cents). I’m guessing I make even more money when someone clicks on them, but I leave that up to the reader’s discretion on whether or not they see something interesting enough to click on.
I have an entry I’ve been working on but just haven’t had time to publish yet, partly because of my changed circumstances and partly because of the depression I’ve been struggling with. For anyone who knows anything about Astrology (I am an astrologer, btw, although I tend not to discuss it too often these days) this month is essentially the peak of my first Saturn return. When I was born Saturn was at 28 degrees Scorpio and for the first time since my birth it is at 28 degrees Scorpio again. I’m sure I’m speaking gibberish to many of you but if you are curious to know more about Saturn returns feel free to read this article.
It sums it up pretty nicely. If you are approaching your 29th or 30th birthday, I’m just going to say you better be ready for it, because it’s probably not going to be pretty. Mine has basically turned my entire life upside down. It is no coincidence that I came out as Trans* right before my 29th birthday (as Saturn approached its “natal place” in my chart) and why recently I have been at a serious cross roads in my career, my marriage, and my life as a whole. I have determined that Grad school is the way to go and a new career is my future, but more than that I have determined that I MUST make additional changes to my working life in the immediate future. I cannot continue as I have thus far. Either I change my life, or I fall apart until I eventually kill myself. That is the malefic nature of Saturn and its return to its natal home; mortality becomes the essence of your experience. Life is too long and too short to work in a career that drives me to suicidal depression. Life is too long and too short to do something just for the money and no other reason. I must take control of my destiny instead of allowing others to control it for me. I must become, at long last, a true adult. Childish things must be put aside, and chief among them is giving others the power to dictate to me what I will and won’t do, what is and isn’t a priority, and how I am supposed to spend my time.
I am not a child anymore. I am not peon anymore. I am not a new kid on the block anymore. I’ve seen my fair share of heartbreak, disappointment, and abuse by authority. I have lived nearly 30 long years as two people and will not be contained any longer. I refuse to hide who I am and I refuse, most especially, to allow others to dictate how I live my life. There are consequences to every action and I’m finally ready to face the ones I’ve been afraid to face.
I am Emma... We are Emma, and we will be as brilliant and beautiful as WE decide.
With love, as always,
Emma, transwoman extraordinaire!