Wednesday, February 25, 2015

2-25-2015 Entry: Picture Time!! (my least favorite of all times)

Hello all! So I am now going onto day 6 of being on estrogen and I have to say it has been a bumpy ride so far. My body definitely is unsure WTF is going on and has been rather adamant about telling me how displeased it is with my decision to switch up its hormones. I have experienced a fog-like sickly feeling since starting (although this might be because my T-Blocker dose was doubled and that has a tendency to make me kind of groggy) and it feels like every cell in my body is fighting against the hormones. My body aches and I have pretty frequent, although mild, shooting pains in my arms and legs. I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is in anyway typical for the first week of estrogen but things seems to be getting better. I’m feeling less and less sickly and more and more normal with each day, so I’m hopeful that these initial side effects will eventually wear off as my body becomes more and more accustomed to the new hormones.

With regards to positive effects I can definitely tell you that I already feel my body going to town on what will eventually become my breasts (p.s. it’s totally weird to think about actually having breasts; it’s both disconcerting and exciting all at the same time) because good lord almighty are they sore. I also feel different than I did before. It’s only a small difference right now but hormones really do have a profound effect on a person’s personality and body. It’s almost like I can actually feel the cells in my body changing in response to the hormone changes, like they are being altered and moved around. I know much of this might just be in my head, but I swear that I can feel my body in a way I couldn’t before because of how different it feels. I’m probably not doing a great job of describing this, but how does one find words for the indescribable?

Anyways, I’ve decided that I’m going to take a page out of the books of other transgender people and start posting pictures of myself on here so that there is a visual record (in addition to the written record) of my transition process. I hope that my readers will be kind upon seeing photos of me. As with many other trans* folks I don’t exactly have the greatest confidence in my appearance, especially lately, so please try to either say nice things or nothing at all.

The first picture I’m going to post was taken about 2 or 3 weeks ago, but I more or less look exactly the same. The only differences are that my hair is about ¾ of an inch longer and I’ve shaved my goatee off. I wasn’t satisfied with any of the pictures I took on day one of HRT so for the sake of my own self-conscious vanity I’m going to post this one instead of any of those. In the future I will obviously be posting day-of pictures instead of older ones so that we can see the changes I go through. I want to say that I’ve been rather reluctant to post any pictures of myself because of how masculine I still looked, so hopefully you’ll recall that I am more the person who writes these words than the image posted below.

 So, without further ado, here is Pre-HRT Emma: (Rocking out her awesome tiara-esque headband and pink fingernails! also, sorry for the shower being in the picture)

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