Friday, October 17, 2014

10-17-2014 Entry: Smelling Like a Girl

Well today is going much better than yesterday. Shortly after writing my entry yesterday the lines of communication opened up again with my wife and we were able to resolve, for the most part, the issue we were having. In many ways it was my fault for trying to bring on too much change too quickly for my poor wife who is already struggling to wrap her head around me deciding to transition. After talking some I realized that she was highly upset about a conversation we’d had the day before about me possibly wanting to go back to grad school. While I still have every intention of doing so, or at least trying to do so, I should have chosen a better time/place to mention the new desire. While I will admit that my wife having a negative reaction to me wanting to better myself is a bad thing and she shouldn’t have reacted the way she did, I am willing to ease off the “let’s change our entire lives in the span of a month!!” campaign. I know that almost all of her reaction was more of a reflection of her own regrets and anxiety about how much her master’s degree cost than it was about not wanting me to better myself. I suspect another argument will be had in the future when I come back around to the subject, but I’m going to choose the timing a bit more carefully.

Switching gears up a bit, I decided to put on some of my wife’s perfume/body spray today instead of my men’s cologne and every few seconds I get a whiff of it, which makes me smile. I feel all girly. I might have to start doing that more often. With regards to my hair I’m happily noticing it getting longer. It still has a very long way to go, but i just love watching it change, knowing what it will eventually lead to. I used to hate long hair but I think this time I’m going to really like having the longer hair.

 This morning, as I walked through the skyway and observed the other women around me I couldn’t help but feel really happy about the prospect of one day being one of them. I look forward to having that long flowing hair and wearing makeup that makes me look beautiful. I can’t wait to have a female body and to be seen as a woman. Although I’m not ready to admit this to my wife, I think that I eventually want to have SRS too (probably after we have children). I want to look in the mirror when I’m getting out of the shower and see a tall and beautiful woman standing there, one who has all the right parts in all the right places.

I just hope that life works out for me and that I’m allowed to experience that. I hope that my job is understanding and I can stay there. I hope that my insurance covers the necessary hormones and possibly the eventual SRS too. Maybe I’m just dreaming but the world is getting better and better for trans people like me, so I’m filled with hope all the same.

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